Holly vs Kane
Holly vs Kane #293

I have just explained the history behind Guy Fawkes to her…

K:”…So the whole plot was to try and kill King James with fireworks (kinda)”

H:”Was he the king of the whole world?”

K:”No, he was the King of England, but lots of people in other countries still really liked him, because lots of people from their country, used to come from England”

H:”Oh” (you can totally tell she is thinking about something)

K:” Like New Zealand: the Maori were here first, but lots of people after them, came on a boat…from England.”

H:” Ah. I see. So did we come from England, or did we come from monkeys?”


Holly vs Kane #410

Kane: “So what happened at pre-school today Holly?”

Holly: ”I swapped boyfriends”

Kane:” Oh no! what happened to Alan?”

Holly:“I swapped him for Toby, because Toby asked me and asked me and asked me.”

Kane: ”So what did Alan say, I bet he was sad”

Holly: ”I don’t want to tell him”

Kane: ”Oh that is not nice, he will find out”

Holly: ”No, because I won’t tell him”

Kane:” Someone else might tell, him. How will he feel then?? Finding out from someone else?”

Holly: ”Well I told Toby not to tell him and Alana knows but I told her not to tell him , and I will remind them both everyday”

Kane: ”What if Alana forgets and tells him?”

Holly: ”Well she can’t. (puts on her very serious face)

………..Because I am ALWAYS WATCHING HER”


                                                                                                                                                                 Kane:” Holly, I have been thinking….I really think you should tell Alan, before he finds out…so I have an idea…how about you tell him that you have 2 boyfriends now, him and Toby?? That way, he can still be your boyfriend and won’t be sad”      

Holly:” No way. I don’t want to. He will still be sad. He says I am his favourite girlfriend, he told me that”            

Kane: “What? How many girlfriends does he have?”                                                                                                      

Holly: “Five”                                                                                                                                                              


Holly vs Kane #582

Holly is doing pooze

H: “AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH. There. All done daddy!”

K: ” No way matey, that is not enough. I know there is more in there”

H: “No there is not, I promise”

K: “There totally is. Give one more good, proper push pls.”

H: “Why daddy? Why do you RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE like this?”

Holly vs Kane #17

K: “So, Holly, a good way to remember the order of the planets… is to make up a little story that uses all the first letters of the planets’ names… in the right order. Like, if I wanted to remember how to spell Holly, my little story would be Happy Oliver Likes Licking Yaks. Capiche?

H: “Capiche”

K: ” OK, so you think up a story that starts with MVEMJSUN.

H: “OK….so….the Sun is always ‘on’ right?”

K: “Yeah…I guess”

H: Ok…so the Sun comes first so I will start with ‘on’….So here we go               On Monday, Violet Eats Massive Jam Sandwiches and then puts them Up her Nose”

K: “Perfect”

Holly vs Kane #612 (feat: Erica)

Based on a question posed by a reader Mary:

K: “Holly…what does a daddy do?”

H: “Ummm…walks around the house a lot, bes in charge sometimes and is a bit taller”

K: “A bit taller than who?”

H: “Mummy”

K: “Oh OK. And what does a mummy do?”

H: “Same kinda stuff really, but is a bit shorter”

K: “Ha OK.”

H: “…and fatter”

E: “Don’t you dare put this on that damn blog!”

Holly vs Kane #32 (feat: Erica)

Featuring Erica this time

H: “What does thrice mean mum?”

E: “What do you think it means?”

H: “Three pieces of rice!”

E: “That’s exactly right…”

Holly vs Kane #212

H: Dad when was the last time you cried?”
K: “About 11w ago when Alex was born
H:” No I mean because you were sad”
K:”Probably at a funeral. Do you, know what a funeral is?”
K:” When somebody dies, all their friends get together, feel sad and tell stories about them. And remember how cool they were.”
H:” What about all the mean people? Do they just sit there and clap and be happy ?”

Holly vs Kane #287

Kane is explaining anatomy…
K: “…so then your stomach turns everything into kind of a liquid…”
H: “What is a liquid daddy?”
K: “Kinda like watery stuff. Everything is either a solid…like this shoe, or a gas…like smoke or a liquid…like water or the stuff you tummy turns food into. Everything is one of those 3 things”
H:” Oh. Daddy what about light?”
K:” Ummmmm…..well…ah…..light bulbs are solids… see (tap tap tap)”
H:” No I mean the light that comes out of the light bulbs”
K: “ummmmm… well….screw you kid”

Holly vs Kane #610

The scene: Coatesville Farmers’ markets
H: “Daddy can we listen to the guitar man”
K: “OK, but you have to give him some of your coins if you want to stand and listen”
H: “Why?”
K: “Because nothing is free, see how there is money in his case”
H: “Oh yeah, nothing is free. But dad… I know 3 things that are free. Paper. Love. Colouring in.”

Holly vs Kane #481.

More of a few stories that roll into one this time rather than the usual conversational narrative.

To make me laugh she has always whispered “panana” (as in banana witha p) into my ear. And it pretty much breaks me everytime. 
She recently learnt that if you invent or discover something you get to name it. This appealed to her. 
I explained to her that brand names tend to have funny spelling to avoid intellectual propery disputes.
So she laid claim to the Pernana, which is fair enough.
She decided pernanas were purple and pink (alliteration is important to her)
So she painted one. 
And has named it “Holls Pernana” 
Look out for it at a store near you soon