Holly vs Kane
And we’re back.
Holly vs Kane # 651

K: ‘and mum and dad will always be together because we knew each other for ages before we got married’
H: ‘how old were you? ‘
K: ’ I was 18’
H:’and did you tell her you liked her? ‘
K:’I told her I loved her … and then she cried’
H: ‘did she cry with her penis?’
K: ‘what!?!!!!’
H: ‘did she cry with happiness? ‘
K:’ oh. Jeez. Holy shit
H: ’ what did you think i said?’
K: ’ nothing… Have some chocolate’

Holly vs Kane #293

I have just explained the history behind Guy Fawkes to her…

K:”…So the whole plot was to try and kill King James with fireworks (kinda)”

H:”Was he the king of the whole world?”

K:”No, he was the King of England, but lots of people in other countries still really liked him, because lots of people from their country, used to come from England”

H:”Oh” (you can totally tell she is thinking about something)

K:” Like New Zealand: the Maori were here first, but lots of people after them, came on a boat…from England.”

H:” Ah. I see. So did we come from England, or did we come from monkeys?”


Holly vs Kane #410

Kane: “So what happened at pre-school today Holly?”

Holly: ”I swapped boyfriends”

Kane:” Oh no! what happened to Alan?”

Holly:“I swapped him for Toby, because Toby asked me and asked me and asked me.”

Kane: ”So what did Alan say, I bet he was sad”

Holly: ”I don’t want to tell him”

Kane: ”Oh that is not nice, he will find out”

Holly: ”No, because I won’t tell him”

Kane:” Someone else might tell, him. How will he feel then?? Finding out from someone else?”

Holly: ”Well I told Toby not to tell him and Alana knows but I told her not to tell him , and I will remind them both everyday”

Kane: ”What if Alana forgets and tells him?”

Holly: ”Well she can’t. (puts on her very serious face)

………..Because I am ALWAYS WATCHING HER”


                                                                                                                                                                 Kane:” Holly, I have been thinking….I really think you should tell Alan, before he finds out…so I have an idea…how about you tell him that you have 2 boyfriends now, him and Toby?? That way, he can still be your boyfriend and won’t be sad”      

Holly:” No way. I don’t want to. He will still be sad. He says I am his favourite girlfriend, he told me that”            

Kane: “What? How many girlfriends does he have?”                                                                                                      

Holly: “Five”                                                                                                                                                              


Holly vs Kane #582

Holly is doing pooze

H: “AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH. There. All done daddy!”

K: ” No way matey, that is not enough. I know there is more in there”

H: “No there is not, I promise”

K: “There totally is. Give one more good, proper push pls.”

H: “Why daddy? Why do you RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE like this?”

Holly vs Kane #17

K: “So, Holly, a good way to remember the order of the planets… is to make up a little story that uses all the first letters of the planets’ names… in the right order. Like, if I wanted to remember how to spell Holly, my little story would be Happy Oliver Likes Licking Yaks. Capiche?

H: “Capiche”

K: ” OK, so you think up a story that starts with MVEMJSUN.

H: “OK….so….the Sun is always ‘on’ right?”

K: “Yeah…I guess”

H: Ok…so the Sun comes first so I will start with ‘on’….So here we go               On Monday, Violet Eats Massive Jam Sandwiches and then puts them Up her Nose”

K: “Perfect”

Holly vs Kane #612 (feat: Erica)

Based on a question posed by a reader Mary:

K: “Holly…what does a daddy do?”

H: “Ummm…walks around the house a lot, bes in charge sometimes and is a bit taller”

K: “A bit taller than who?”

H: “Mummy”

K: “Oh OK. And what does a mummy do?”

H: “Same kinda stuff really, but is a bit shorter”

K: “Ha OK.”

H: “…and fatter”

E: “Don’t you dare put this on that damn blog!”

Holly vs Kane #32 (feat: Erica)

Featuring Erica this time

H: “What does thrice mean mum?”

E: “What do you think it means?”

H: “Three pieces of rice!”

E: “That’s exactly right…”

Holly vs Kane #212

H: Dad when was the last time you cried?”
K: “About 11w ago when Alex was born
H:” No I mean because you were sad”
K:”Probably at a funeral. Do you, know what a funeral is?”
K:” When somebody dies, all their friends get together, feel sad and tell stories about them. And remember how cool they were.”
H:” What about all the mean people? Do they just sit there and clap and be happy ?”

Holly vs Kane #287

Kane is explaining anatomy…
K: “…so then your stomach turns everything into kind of a liquid…”
H: “What is a liquid daddy?”
K: “Kinda like watery stuff. Everything is either a solid…like this shoe, or a gas…like smoke or a liquid…like water or the stuff you tummy turns food into. Everything is one of those 3 things”
H:” Oh. Daddy what about light?”
K:” Ummmmm…..well…ah…..light bulbs are solids… see (tap tap tap)”
H:” No I mean the light that comes out of the light bulbs”
K: “ummmmm… well….screw you kid”

Holly vs Kane #610

The scene: Coatesville Farmers’ markets
H: “Daddy can we listen to the guitar man”
K: “OK, but you have to give him some of your coins if you want to stand and listen”
H: “Why?”
K: “Because nothing is free, see how there is money in his case”
H: “Oh yeah, nothing is free. But dad… I know 3 things that are free. Paper. Love. Colouring in.”